Disagreeing is an essential aspect of any functioning democracy. Research by the University of Chicago found that the more polarised the teams editing Wikipedia political pages, the higher the quality of their work.
Though Socrates was, to say the least, sceptical about the practicalities of democratic government, he was responsible for what Agnes Callard, associate professor of philosophy at the University of Chicago and an expert on the ancient Greeks, calls the ‘adversarial division of epistemic labour’, a founding cornerstone of Western thought. This is perhaps best demonstrated in a courtroom where it’s one side’s job to put forth an argument for the opposing side to attempt to disprove, civilly!
In everyday life, however, that’s easier said than done.
According to a group of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander leaders, and community members and organisations, the recent referendum across the ditch concerning the Voice to Parliament “unleashed a tsunami of racism”. Before the vote – which rejected the proposal to change the constitution to recognise the First Peoples of Australia – research had found Australians to already be more polarised than ever. According to the Edelman Trust Barometer, nearly half of Aussies feel their nation is more divided today than in the past, while 76% of those surveyed admitted to being less likely to help someone who strongly disagreed with their views.
Of course, it’s not just an Australian problem. Studies show record levels of division in many developed nations, often driven by economic fear and political distrust, with countries such as the US, the UK, France, Sweden, Spain, and Germany considered either already “severely polarised” or well on their way there. Though not (yet?) at those levels, a recent report by Koi Tū: The Centre for Informed Futures found polarisation to be on the rise in Aotearoa New Zealand, fuelled by a breakdown in trust that was sadly epitomised by the 2022 occupation of Parliament.
Misinformation is a growing problem. Studies have shown that people are more influenced by ‘who’ is expressing their views on social media rather than the reliability or truthfulness of that person’s actual views. Speaking at an event earlier in the year, in Sydney, the former US president Barack Obama insisted that “shifts in the media and the story that is told to people” had propelled polarisation, and singled out Rupert Murdoch’s media empire for leading the charge in making people “angry and resentful”, adding that “it’s very difficult to compromise around identity politics”.
In his book, Conflicted: Why Arguments Are Tearing Us Apart and How They Can Bring Us Together – described as a “self-help book for the world” – author Ian Leslie laments how “people with differing views seem to find it increasingly hard to argue productively,” which is leading to “a roadblock to progress”. Rather than eliminate conflict, Leslie argues that we should master “productive disagreements” that “neither reinforce nor eradicate a difference, but make something new out of it”. Because, the only thing worse than having hateful arguments “is not having arguments at all”.
The only way you can learn and grow is to listen to – and respect – all perspectives.
So, with the festive season upon us, here are some top tips on how to keep things civil and handle any toxicity around the table this Christmas – especially so soon after the general election!
- Listen, listen, listen!
Don’t just jump straight in with your already-formulated responses or opinions. Listen actively and attentively, with no interruption or prejudice, and show that you value the opinions of others.
- Keep calm… then carry on!
Raised voices get you nowhere. Express your disagreements calmy and with composure. Avoid aggressive language – especially swearing! – and state your opinions clearly.
- Play the ball, not the man (or woman).
Keep things centred around the topic, not the person expressing their opinions. Don’t attack their character, and focus on what you feel or believe, rather than saying that what they think is wrong.
- Give kudos.
You’re bound to share some common ground, even with your worst enemy! Acknowledge when the person you’re debating makes a valid point, this helps steer things towards compromise.
- Remain open-minded.
The only way you can learn and grow is to listen to – and respect – all perspectives. Accept that other people’s viewpoints are as valid as your own – unless they’re promoting the likes of bigotry or violence, obviously. Which leads us on to the final point…
- Know when the fight’s over.
If things are getting too heated or unproductive, then step away and take a break. Some things are better revisited, or maybe never revisited at all. Always try to end on a positive note, especially at Christmas.
Good luck!
