Colon hydro-therapist Petrina Tonkin is on a mission to make us more interested in – and less embarrassed about – our lavatory habits by way of her laugh-out-loud Colon Talk which she conducts at Eden Health Retreat and Gwinganna Lifestyle Retreat in Queensland. Verve sat down (no pun intended) with Petrina to find out more.
“The Colon Talk is a light-hearted reflection on pooing in the modern world. How to keep our colons healthy and the modern-day dilemmas that often get in the way. We take a toilet tour around the world and at the end I sing – not very well! – a little parody of On the Road Again called On the Throne Again to tie together, in one ridiculous tune, all the tips for happy pooing.”
A colon hydro-therapist is someone who performs colonic irrigations (also known as colon cleansing or colonic hydrotherapy, often abbreviated to ‘colonics’), a procedure that involves inserting a tube into the rectum to flush toxins from the bowel with water – and it dates all the way back to Ancient Egypt. A professional drummer in a previous life (she also runs drumming workshops and serves as a massage therapist at the retreats), I ask Petrina what led her down the unusual path of colonic hydrotherapy.
“You could say I kind of fell into it! It’s certainly not something you just wake up one day and dream of doing. I had some health issues back in the 90s which colonics really helped with, so it all started from there. Everyone else I meet in the industry generally has a similar story and we all share this massive passion for the treatment and for wanting to help others.”
The treatment, says Petrina, falls into two categories: ‘open’ and ‘closed’.
“Open is where the therapist looks after several patients in several rooms all at once, and the patients must insert the tube themselves. I run closed sessions which means that I work with the patient one-on-one from start to finish and do everything for them – including the insertion. I’ve heard anecdotally of folk injuring themselves during open sessions, and I believe that this is partly to blame for giving the practice a bad name.”
Petrina doesn’t shy away from the polarising nature of the work and admits that she regularly gets shot down by those from the medical industry.
“Doctors are always the most doubtful,” she says. “Unfortunately, there haven’t been too many scientific studies on colonics, which I think is a real shame. It’s my dream for natural and conventional medicine to work more closely together. I had one GP come because several of his patients had been raving about the treatment and he wanted to see what all the fuss was about. That was 10 years ago, and he’s been back every year since.”
A popular put down is that colonic hydrotherapy is unnatural, to which Petrina responds that “neither is the way most of us live our lives – so maybe it requires something ‘unnatural’ to balance things out”.
Petrina reveals that the whole reason she began to give the talk was because people were arriving for their colonics upset that other guests were “giving them a bad rap” and “spreading misinformation”.
“So, I volunteered to do the Colon Talk on my own time. I discovered that many people had huge hang-ups around the topic, and guests would challenge me and often walk out mid-talk. The talk is now one of the most popular at Eden and Gwinganna, and has gone from having five to 10 people show up, to almost a full house every time, much to my surprise.”
A popular put down is that colonic hydrotherapy is unnatural, to which Petrina responds that “neither is the way most of us live our lives – so maybe it requires something ‘unnatural’ to balance things out”.
Tech, poor diets, and inactivity aside, Petrina says even the way we sit on the toilet goes against our body’s design. The ideal position for a healthy and efficient bowel movement is the squat (Petrina recommends investing in a squatting stool to raise our legs into the correct position while seated on the toilet).
“And then there’s the ‘toxic aisle’, which is what I call the aisle in the supermarket dedicated to covering up the smell of something that is one of the most basic human functions. I’ve read labels on some of those toxins that we flush into the water that say that they may be harmful to aquatic life!”
Speaking of aisles, Petrina has some advice to stop us getting so gassy and bunged up while flying, too.
“It’s called ‘crop-dusting’. Just walk up and down the plane and silently let rip – it’s what all the attendants do!”
As for other tips, Petrina says we should be eating – and chewing – well, switching off our screens to pursue more artistic and active endeavours, drinking plenty of water, checking out the Bristol Stool Chart (a pictorial guide to poo types and what they mean), and, after getting the okay from a health practitioner, upping our magnesium intake by way of supplements or adding Epsom salts to our baths.
“Magnesium is great for muscle function, and people don’t realise that the colon is a muscle,” she says. “It is called a ‘bowel movement’, after all.”
Petrina’s Colon Talk was never supposed to humorous, she admits, it happened by accident.
“I was telling the story about how I once farted loudly during a massage treatment – not a colonic treatment – on a man, so I couldn’t blame him! The treatment was called ‘Sprit of Sound’, which got a big laugh from the audience, and I realised the comedy potential.”
Petrina tells of a young woman who spent her youth thinking it was perfectly normal to poo just once a week as she was raised in a household too conservative to discuss such things. And she says that she continues to be astounded by the number of people that refuse to poo at work or in a public place – holding it in is a habit that is unhealthy.
“I’m by no means a perfect pooer,” says Petrina. “It’s essential that we have these conversations about it, it’s so important – even if we do have to do it by way of joking!”
