No one wants to be that guest at the wedding. The one who the married couple wished they had never invited. While some wedding etiquette rules have become old fashioned in today’s world, there are still some that you must absolutely follow.
Everyone loves being invited to a wedding. They are joyous and heartwarming occasions, and it’s an honour to be a part of a couple’s special day. A day in which they have poured their hearts and souls into planning.
To help you navigate your next wedding – and to ensure you stay in the couple’s good graces – here are the 10 top etiquette rules:
Return your RSVP on time
It may seem simple enough, but not returning your RSVP is the first faux pas a guest can make. Couples base their entire day (and budget) on their guest count, so it’s important to return your RSVP in a timely manner – don’t give the couple the added pressure of having to chase down responses just weeks before their nuptials. Return your RSVP by post or digitally, per instructions provided by the couple.
Bring a ‘plus one’ only if the invitation allows
Etiquette debates surrounding plus-ones are common, but there’s a straightforward answer: only those whose names are on the invite are invited. If it’s just your name, then you are going solo. Don’t even think to ask whether you can bring your new fling. However, if your invitation does include “and guest”, be sure that you RSVP for two and include your date’s name. As for whether kids are invited, again this is usually included on the invite. If unsure, reach out to the bride and groom as soon as you receive your invite and check whether it is appropriate to bring children to any part of the celebration. Never assume anything.
Arrive on time
No doubt the bride will be fashionably late, but that doesn’t mean you should be too. No excuses for being late are good enough when it comes to weddings, so make sure you allow enough time for any mishaps, such as bad traffic or your children not wanting to be left with the babysitter, so that you arrive before the specified start time. If all hell breaks loose and arriving late is unavoidable, stand quietly at the back of the ceremony until there is an appropriate time to sneak into a seat without any fanfare. And always make sure your phone is on silent.
Stick to the dress code
A wedding is all about honouring the couple so make sure your appearance reflects that by being respectfully and appropriately dressed for the event. If a dress code is written on the invite, make sure to stick to it. If no dress code is listed, try to match the tone and venue of the wedding. If it’s more a beachy vibe, you could get away with more casual attire and flat shoes, whereas a formal reception would require a dressier look with high heels. Also, it’s the couple’s special day, not yours, so don’t bring undue attention to yourself – now is not the time to wear a bold fashion statement or anything too revealing. If your outfit is better suited for a nightclub, then that’s where it should remain to be worn. Unless you’re the bride or the invite says otherwise, leave all white, ivory, and champagne-hued shades in the store. You could even go to the extra length of finding out the colour of the bridesmaids dresses to avoid wearing a similar shade.
Get involved in the wedding – even if it means taking part in a conga line – and show the couple how much you appreciate being there.
Respect the seating plan
If there is a seating plan, know that it did not come about without some headache. The least you can do is respect the couple’s wishes and sit where you are supposed to. This is especially important when it comes to dietary or allergy requirements so to not cause any confusion when the waiters are serving meals, or God forbid, a guest to have an allergic reaction.
Give an appropriate gift
These days it’s no longer considered gauche for the couple to ask for gifts via a wedding gift registry, or even a cash contribution towards either an experience or a large ticket item. Whatever the couple have requested, it is good etiquette to obey their wishes – don’t be the guest that takes it upon themselves to gift something the couple don’t want or need. If choosing something thoughtful is important to you, rest assured that there is usually a variety of gift options listed on a registry – as long as you don’t leave purchasing something to the day before the wedding. There is no minimum or maximum dollar amount to spend, but this is a time to be generous if you can, taking into consideration your relationship with the couple.
Be respectful with your phone
The couple would rather you be present at their wedding than on your phone all day, so be respectful of this and keep it turned on silent, or better yet turned off. Some couple’s may even request an unplugged ceremony – if this is the case, keep it untouched in your bag or pocket. Unless you’re specifically told no photos are allowed, taking a few snaps or videos of the day is fine, however, for critical moments, like the first kiss or the cake cutting, be sure to stay out of the way to avoid ruining the shot for the professionals. And certainly don’t push or barge just to get ‘the shot’.
Follow social media guidelines
When it comes to posting on social media, make sure to follow any social media guidelines the couple may have, such as using a specific hashtag, tagging the couple, or not posting the location. Often a couple will request that you don’t post any photos of them on social media until they have – so only guest and party shots will do in the meantime, but always be tasteful and respectful with what you choose to share with your followers. The last thing the newlyweds want to see when scrolling Instagram the next day is an unflattering photo of themselves or of their inebriated bridesmaid. If in doubt, don’t post.
Party responsibly
Sure, weddings are for having a good time, but do so responsibly. An extremely drunk guest is not a good look. Know your limits, and don’t drink to get drunk. If you do find yourself slurring, then excuse yourself and leave before you make a scene. Equally, don’t be the party pooper who sits in their seat all night. Get involved in the wedding – even if it means taking part in a conga line – and show the couple how much you appreciate being there.
Send a thank you note
While the art of letter writing is slowly disappearing, a thank-you note never goes unappreciated. Whether you send a note by phone, email, or a handwritten letter, short or long, it is a polite and lovely sentiment to let the married couple know how much you enjoyed their special day, and how grateful you were to be a part of it. You could also include your favourite memories from the wedding and make sure to wish them well for their married future.
