Growing a beard can be an awkward experience.
Some people have strong opinions about them and aren’t not shy about sharing their thoughts. Men will often admire a beard’s luxurious majesty, while women will have reservations about its cleanliness.
One night at a bar strangers will want to stroke it and then the next day children will flee from you in fear at the supermarket.
A subset of the population has begun this journey. A right of passage of sorts, born of a once in a lifetime opportunity to put manliness to the test by growing a lockdown beard. Many, sadly, fall by the wayside, their journey over before it has barely begun.
At its outset, the fabled beard, often referred to as a ‘pandemic beard’, will meet three major obstacles: ‘The Itch’, ‘The Wife’, and ‘The Job’. Let us study each of these potentially growth-stunting obstacles in more depth.
Obstacle No.1 – ‘The Itch’
Harden up. If your balls itch, are you going to cut them off? An attitude that embodies persistence, perseverance and delayed gratification is essential. All key ingredients to gaining anything worthwhile in life. Quit now at your peril, for there is no better time to grow a beard than the present. Remember, when we talk to our grandparents, it’s unlikely they will speak of regrets in life for things that they did do, rather the things they did not.
Obstacle No.2 – ‘The Wife’
Or the significant other in your relationship whose position on the matter warrants the utmost respect. At some stage, they may say, “Mmmm, yeah, that’s not going to work for me.” Possibly peppering it with colourful expletives.
Do wash your beard. Don’t be afraid to (sparingly) use a beard oil to control those odd rogue hairs. Growing a beard is not an excuse to be complacent and let yourself go. Many a man will bow to the pressure of their significant other, to social norm and expectation.
Obstacle No.3 – ‘The Job’
I have a rule, you’re either cleanly shaven or growing a beard. Do, or do not, there is no try. Now is not the time to play around with the stubble game. Are you in or are you out? As they say in the navy: “You cannot be half pregnant.”
The question at hand is will you choose to triumph through this period of societal recalibration, or return to the hairless days of yesterday?
WORDS — Max Dawson from ONEMAN
