Stacey O is a holistic sexuality mentor and host of Finger Food, a podcast centred around sexuality, pleasure, and identity. Verve called in to find out more.
“The podcast blossomed from a shoot I did with photographer Rob Tennent late last year. Being in and out of lockdowns,
I needed an escape from the monotony and had the idea to create a beautiful shoot around sensuality and pleasure. I asked Rob to be involved and to my delight, he was keen and invited some of his young, inspiring, liberated friends along to take part and model.”
Intrigued by “all the glorious humans that showed up” Stacey was compelled to find out more about their lives and asked Rob and the gang if they’d be keen to sit down and chat.
“Suddenly we found ourselves in a recording studio, cup of tea in hand, sharing stories about sexuality, identity – the most spontaneous, organic, unfolding of a podcast that ever lived!”
Have there been standout stories so far?
“Honestly, I’ve been super blown away by everyone’s stories so far. I’ve learned so much from these individuals and their vulnerability. I loved Ash’s stories around stripping and how liberating that has been for her. I loved Batanai’s journey with self-pleasure and body acceptance and was deeply touched by Maddox’s journey around transitioning at school, relating, and transphobia. It’s fascinating finding the common threads between each of the podcasts, which basically boil down to love thyself and be unapologetically you!”
What have you learned about yourself?
“It has bought awareness to the fact that I’ve been learning about sexuality from a very narrow lens. It’s important to connect with people outside of your inner circle as it gives you a broader perspective on life and helps generate more empathy, connection and understanding.”
It must be an immense privilege to have guests share such intimate details, but no doubt a sometimes-uncomfortable experience too?
“It’s such a deep honour and privilege to hold space for these individuals as they open up and share so vulnerably, and there have been many moments of discomfort. I often don’t know what to say because I could never possibly understand their experiences which have been completely different to my own. At times it has felt very uncomfortable to just listen, remain curious, and digest what my guests are saying as opposed to trying to relate, make it about me or interject.”
Aucklander Stacey O’Gorman first found fame as the founder of baking business Meringue Girls in London, her tempting creations stocked in stores like Harrods and Selfridges and firm favourites of fashion brands including Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Stella McCartney, and Jimmy Choo. A couple of cookbooks – and plenty of encounters with celebrity chefs like Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein – later, Stacey decided her life needed a change of direction. With her health deteriorating and burnout looming, it was time to take stock.
Following an intensely self-reflective period of travel, yoga, therapy – and a divorce – Stacey felt compelled to work as a women’s wellbeing mentor and educator.
“The approach of a holistic sexuality mentor incorporates both neuroscience and eastern tradition like tantra and Taoism,” she says. “It’s designed to go beyond talking and deep into the body, to shift stagnant energy and lift thousands of years of conditioning to release pain and trauma and unleash mind-blowing pleasure. It’s about working with people’s sexual problems and desires from a holistic lens, to treat the entire ‘being’ rather than isolating the issues.”
We all, she adds, exist because of the act of sex, yet there is still so much shame around it. I ask if she feels society is getting better at talking about it.
“Yes, and I think the internet has played a huge role in that. We’re seeing activism explode on social media, inspiring us to take action in our own circles and communities. We can access information and support we couldn’t before, and there are more platforms for us to share our stories and support one another. The fact that we can watch shows on Netflix like Sex, Love and Goop, The Principles of Pleasure, and Sex Education encourages me that sex-positive messages are swimming closer into the mainstream. There’s a hunger for a revised and evolved exploration into sexuality, and it’s being fed.”
What are some essential requirements of a good sex life?
“Commitment: the commitment to carving out the space and time to experience pleasure with yourself or your lover, or lovers. Connection: whether it be foreplay via text, going on a hot date, or being intimate at home – make time for it. Connect with a deep sense of presence and playfulness. Communication is also vital, and so underrated, and in my opinion the most important piece when it comes to having good sex. Share your fears, desires, and boundaries. It helps us feel safer which relaxes the nervous system and in turn helps us experience far more orgasmic pleasure than we thought possible.”
Sex, adds Stacey, is also key to mental healthiness.
“It’s proven that orgasms activate endorphins, which expel cortisol, which can relieve stress, supporting our overall health and wellbeing. Scientists now speculate that a state of high sexual arousal can even aid in managing generalised anxiety. Basically, get your sex on people, with yourself or others!”
Season one of Finger Food is currently available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Play and Stitcher. The “global, more age-diverse” season two will be launching mid-October. Find out more at staceyogorman.com.
