No matter how down-to-earth or genuine we may think we are, most folk have (at least) a couple of different personas reserved for home, work, and play times. When it comes to the workplace, research has even shown that, contrary to the popular philosophy, it’s not always necessarily the best approach to simply ‘be yourself’.
Professor Herminia Ibarra, an expert in organisational behaviour and leadership at London Business School, even goes as far to say that authenticity may stunt personal growth for it’s often used an excuse to remain in our comfort zones. Chameleon-type personalities—those more able to act ‘out of character’, known as ‘free-trait behaviour’—are actually more likely to move up the corporate ladder more quickly. According to research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, people earn “idiosyncrasy credits” in the workplace over time, essentially meaning we’re more likely to not only ‘be ourselves’, but be accepted as ourselves, by colleagues the longer we spend with them.
Dating—most notably the online kind—is of course another area where people walk that fine line of authenticity while trying to project the very best versions of themselves, both in terms of looks and likeability.
World Wide Web of Lies
According to Pew, a quarter of young US adults are looking for love either online or via dating apps, while global cybersecurity firm, Kaspersky, concludes that as many as one in three people are dating online, but such digital interactions are prone to deceptions—of varying degrees of severity. International research by Kaspersky discovered that more than half of online daters lie, while a study by Cornell University and the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that in the US the proportion of porky pie-tellers using such apps might be as high as 80 percent.
Among the most common of fibs is age, with folk lying about how old they are usually through vanity, denial, or to help secure a hook-up with a younger date. And though men will often add on a couple of inches to their…height, women are more likely to lie about their weight on their dating profiles. While embellishments and the like can often be chalked off as simply insecurities—and who doesn’t have plenty of those?—lies about location or availability could be a signs that your potential suitor is already spoken for; but, the most sinister of dating dishonesties is catfishing.
Casting a Lie
Taking its name from the 2010 documentary on the subject, Catfish, the term ‘catfishing’ applies to the practice of creating a false online identity, including using fake photographs, in order to con others. Catfishing occurs on dating sites and apps, often backed up by fake social media profiles to make the deception even more believable.
“We tend to forget that we see what others want us to see when it comes to crafting an identity,” writes anthropologist Krystal D’Costa for Scientific American. “A catfish takes this shortsightedness and shapes his or her profile(s) to serve us exactly what we want.”
We tend to forget that we see what others want us to see when it comes to crafting an identity
The catfish is clever and conniving, a skilled, emphatic manipulator able to orchestrate entire relationships without their victims ever realising. They are successful, says D’Costa, because their actions mirror offline behaviours, and we choose what “we believe to be the best of ourselves to share with others”.
While some simply get a perverse thrill from the power of fooling a stranger, the most obvious reason for catfishing is for financial gain—to scam, often lonely souls, out of their savings or retirement funds. There have also been examples of more serious crimes such as sexual assault and even murder. The anonymity provided by online communication is known to dampen people’s consciences, enabling them to act with greater immorality than they would ever consider during usual face-to-face interactions—behaviour known as the ‘online disinhibition effect’.
The Wrong Signals
Obvious signs that someone might be a catfish include a lack of information about them online, or photos that don’t’ match on their social media profiles; requests for money early on, including if they say it’s to enable them to visit you; and declarations of love within a matter of days or weeks. A useful online tool is Google’s reverse image tool that allows you to upload a photo to see where else that picture can be found online—and if the image has been pulled from elsewhere.
Other signs to look out for are avoidance, postponements or cancellations of meetings (ask to have a video chat on Skype, WhatsApp, or FaceTime first), or just a general feeling that something doesn’t quite feel right—maybe they seem almost too good to be true or their stories just don’t quite add up—remember that our gut instinct is often one of our most powerful social tools.
If you think you have been catfished, and are in immediate danger, contact the police. Otherwise, get in touch with Netsafe (netsafe.org.nz) for advice.
