Saying goodbye to a loved one is incredibly difficult.
When losing friends or whānau, we need time to grieve, reflect and take care of ourselves – but often, we’re consumed with emotionally draining practicalities, like making funeral arrangements and sorting through homes and belongings. Davis Funerals has been helping Kiwis navigate these sensitive waters for more than 80 years, and are well-versed in the many factors at play following the death of a beloved connection. We spoke with general manager Mike Powell, who shares his insights on how to make this time as seamless and pain-free as possible.
Where do people start when organising a funeral?
The gold standard would be for people to think throughout their life about what their eventual funeral plan and requirements are, and record them. This makes it that much easier for families and those left behind to take care of the arrangements. Once a loved one has passed away, the first steps for the family are to meet with a funeral home for an arrangement meeting.
What does a funeral director do and how will they work with the family?
The funeral director’s primary responsibility is to ensure that every step of the way the family is supported and the deceased is treated with the highest level of respect and dignity. We first make contact with the deceased’s family and arrange for the body to be transferred to our funeral home. We believe in then giving families the comfort of knowing that the deceased is safely in our care so they can rest. Then, the funeral director holds an arrangement meeting, where they develop an understanding of the deceased’s life and the family’s requirements. We take care to very clearly walk families through the costs of the funeral so that we can adapt plans if needed to meet their budget, after which we complete the necessary paperwork with them. This includes an authority giving us permission to start actioning their plans, plus legal paperwork required for cremations and burials. In the days leading up to the funeral, we prepare the deceased and organise the funeral service. On the day, we are there to ensure that the family’s wishes are followed and that they are supported.
What about after the funeral service?
The journey doesn’t stop after the funeral. Grief affects people in different ways and for different periods of time. At Davis Funerals, we believe we have a responsibility to not only look after the practicalities of the funeral, but the family as well. We introduce families to a professional grief counselling service and pay for the initial session so that they can determine whether they want to proceed. We want to set them on an appropriate path so that they can manage their individual grief journey going forward.
Can families be involved in organising the funeral, if they wish?
We welcome family members wanting to take control of an element of the funeral. It gives them an opportunity to feel that they’re contributing and provides meaning. If families want to be guided, we will gladly take care of the catering, flowers, Herald notice, photographic slide shows, service sheets, memorial books, and other details, with their wishes in mind. We also pay all invoices upfront, so the family can focus on themselves ahead of the funeral. After the service, we provide a fully itemised account, which aligns with the costs discussed in the arrangement meeting – so, no surprises.
Are there options for the conscious-minded to make a funeral more sustainable?
Many families want to avoid unnecessarily creating challenges for the environment. We work with them to achieve whatever level of eco-friendliness they feel is appropriate. We recommend, where possible, the use of untreated pine ply caskets made from a renewable source. These don’t have toxic glues and resin, and over time, will break down. People who choose cremation might select cardboard or particle board.
We welcome family members wanting to take control of an element of the funeral.
What if a loved one is overseas at the time of death?
Davis Funerals is a leading provider for repatriation services in New Zealand. We frequently assist families and insurance companies with the safe return of the deceased’s remains to their country of origin. We take care the flights, the consignment of the casket to a receiving party, and all other details.
What memorabilia is available for those wishing to bring home a keepsake?
There are many ways we can assist families with memorabilia. It can be as simple as a memorial book or custom jewellery, or as complex as creating diamonds from ash or organising a StardustMe service. The latter allows families to send a capsule of the deceased’s ashes on a SpaceX mission, and track them as they are released in space!
How important is it to have a funeral service?
A funeral gives people the opportunity to rationalise their own grief feelings and learn to live with them. Grief doesn’t go away; it’s always there. Funerals help people come to terms with the finality of their loved one’s life. We believe this is a really important step, whether it’s a complex funeral or a simple one. The other value of a funeral is that they provide the opportunity for people to get people together, support each other, share stories, and reflect.
Can people pre-plan their own funerals, should they wish to?
Absolutely. It costs nothing to visit a funeral home and talk to a funeral director about the process, options and choices you have for your eventual funeral. This enables a plan to be captured and an understanding of the financial costs involved, should you wish to put money aside. Regarding payment, there are many options, from savings accounts to specific insurance policies. We recommend the Funeral Trust, which is an independent fund overseen by the Funeral Directors Association of New Zealand. There is no membership fee, and it allows people to either pay regular contributions or pay a lump sum. This sits there until the time comes to make funeral arrangements. This is beneficial because the money is immediately available; there are no stand-down periods.
What is your advice to anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one?
When somebody dies, it is an extremely stressful time. Our advice to families is, always have a plan for the future. And when a death occurs, slow down. Take time to care for yourself and grieve. Let your funeral director guide you and do the heavy lifting.
Visit davisfunerals.co.nz for more information.
