Margarita Politis uses mind-based therapy to help women who are experiencing anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), emotional abuse, and trauma.
She found her true calling after working in real estate before moving to style coaching in her business, Fab After 40.
“On the outside, dressing someone is great but when I heard women saying, ‘I’ve put on so much weight’, and feeling a lack of confidence, I was drawn to what was going on inside. I wanted to help them through that,” explains Margarita.
“It’s also come about through my own confidence issues while recovering from a narcissistic relationship.”
What’s your personal story, Margarita?
I met my then-partner 14 years ago and everything moved quickly. We moved in together and I gave birth to my second daughter, who’s now aged 12. I also have an 18-year-old daughter. That’s when the gaslighting began.
Words like ‘you’re beautiful’ and ‘you’re the one’ changed to ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘you’re useless’ and ‘your daughter doesn’t want you’. I became immobilised and lost my ability to think and make decisions.
Then it came out that he was having affairs. But when I called him out, he said, “I would never do anything to hurt this family.”
It was classic narcissistic behaviour.
Eventually, I was quite literally thrown out on the street with nowhere to go, numb and having used all of my life savings to start a business I could no longer run. In the end, social welfare found a home for myself and my daughters. I couldn’t do anything – I couldn’t work and I couldn’t even go for walks which I know helps reduce cortisol.
He took me to court to try and get custody of our daughter where I finally broke down and told him he could have her. I couldn’t handle any more emotional abuse.
Post-court I focused on trying to pick up the pieces, but the trouble was, I couldn’t put them back together. I didn’t feel able to run my business, so I went back to real estate, but my heart wasn’t in it.
I did some courses, learned meditation, and went on to completely retrain. Through helping others, I reset myself. I became whole again.
That’s why I do this work. It’s changed my world and I can help others shortcut the 12 years it’s taken me to recover.
What exactly is a narcissist?
Narcissism is a personality disorder with traits like self-centredness, arrogance, and lack of empathy.
A narcissistic person has ways of drawing you in and manipulating you. They’re extremely charming, but full of lies and false promises. You may find yourself pushing your own family and friends away which means you won’t have emotional support.
How does this affect a person biochemically?
It sets off the stress hormone cortisol. You’re constantly in a fight, flight, or freeze mode. So much so that you can actually get addicted to the narcissist. I’ve heard women saying they can’t help replying to his constant texts, but there’s a chemical reason for that.
There’s an analogy called ‘flip the lid’ where your rational brain doesn’t connect with your emotional brain. So, you feel intensely but are unable to think clearly and problem-solve thereby ‘flipping your lid’. It involves the amygdala, which is like our security guard, and the pre-frontal cortex, which helps us make good decisions.
“If you don’t fix your wounds, you’re going to bleed on people who have not cut you” – Marisa Peer
What are the methods you use to help with this?
I’m trained in autogenic therapy, which concerns resetting your nervous system, and rapid transformation therapy (RTT). RTT is a combination of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, NLP, cognitive behaviour therapy, and neuroscience. I’m also currently studying brainspotting (BSP), and eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EDMR).
How do your methods work?
I go right to the root cause. I reframe your thoughts and deal with the scenes that come up so that you can become your own cheerleader. Afterwards, I give you a tape to listen to for 21 days. This helps further rewire your brain because it responds to the pictures and words you install.
Who do your methods work for?
People who are experiencing anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and narcissistic abuse trauma.
How quickly does treatment work?
It’s incredibly powerful and fast. In some instances, it may take one session. There are more aspects to deeply emotional work, which is more like three sessions.
