“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness” – Robert Morley
Something that has become very clear to me in my coaching and healing practice over the last two pandemic years is, that people who take care of themselves have a practical approach to life which brings forward resilience, they are communicating with others and are socially connected to a community even while being socially distant, and they have an agile mind which is able to bring forward flexibility when nothing much is granted to stay the same in times of lockdowns and restrictions.
These clients do love themselves.
“But doesn’t that lead to selfishness and arrogance?” I hear the doubters asking. And rightly so, this was my first notion when I heard about this as well.
Remember, sitting on an airplane – what is one of the first messages you hear from the captain (not that most of us have heard him/her say much over the last two years, but never mind, I am hopeful you remember from years prior to 2020) – “in the case of an emergency draw the oxygen mask close to you, put it over your nose and mouth, continue to breath normally, before you help others with their masks”
There are so many gold nuggets in this message that I love to dissect for you:
“In the case of an emergency”
Our lives are not threatened by code red all the time and even when that is the case we need to take care of ourselves first. Fortunately emergencies are rather seldom, we are talking accidents, natural disasters, and other catastrophes. In contrast our piling up email list can not be labeled as such however our body has a similar reaction to it. Our ancient body goes into a fight-flight-freeze mode when faced with emergencies, which we should be thankful for, as the adrenalin boosts helps us to survive. Therefore the first lesson here is to differentiate between a life-threatening situation and a non-emergency. Fast action is required for the first one, but we can still practice self-love and self-care before or while we take care of the second one.
“Draw the oxygen mask close to you, and continue to breath normally”
Even in an emergency it is of outmost importance to continue to breath normally as normal breathing sends a reassuring signal to the alarm bells that there is no need to go into fight-flight-freeze mode. While being in this stress mode our circulation speeds up towards muscles in order to prepare for running bypassing the brain. While being in this stress mode our digestion shuts down in order to utilise energy resources for physical activity like running. While being in this stress mode our sexual urges and reproductive hormonal system shut off because there is no need to produce off-spring while being on the run. Breathing normally, preferably with the use of your diaphragm, is the simplest yet most effective way to quiet the stress mode making sure your are able to discern what is the most important next task if there would be an emergency.
“Before you help others”
This is the most important message when it comes to self-love and self-care because only once you have taken care of yourself, once you are continuing to breath normally then and only then you take care of others. How can we ever be expected to take care of other when you are not prepared to take care of yourself? This is indeed most important to remember, only when you take care of yourself, only then are you able to be what you want to be in this world.
So now that we have established how important it is to practice self-care lets dive into the subject a little deeper. Because in order to not loose the gentlemen reading this article I would like to make clear that self-care has only very little to do with scented candles and bubble baths. Although, I need to confess here, that taking a wonderful bath while eating chocolate is my favourite pastime.
Taking a bath is physical self-care where the soul is nourished and the body is pampered. There are many ways to take care of yourself. Some of my clients needed to learn that mental self-care was something they had to incorporate into their daily routine in order to come out of their depressive mode. Using affirmations, feeding the mind positive thoughts and developing a deep trust helped them to turn their lives around.
Others might feel exhausted all the time even though they get enough sleep. This could be a sign that they are not fulfilled professionally. If our daily job is not something we love doing we run higher risks of becoming chronically fatigued. A career change might be the self-care that is needed to enjoy a life full of energy again. Or sometimes upskilling brings forward a new passion for what we do to put food on our table and a roof above our head.
Experts have pointed us in the direction of social connections and community as a barometer of our happiness. People who have friends that they feel close to, who have strong family bonds or who engage in community have shown to be much happier and live longer than people who are sitting home alone all the time.
You can see that there are many ways to improve your self-care and enhance your self-love. Why not organise a dinner with your neighbours (taking care of social and practical self-care) or find a new hobby (physical, emotional and mental self-care)? The options are endless.
If you are looking for support to celebrate being your own Valentine, a group of my friends and colleagues who wrote the book “The Art of Self-Care” have put self-care to the challenge: 365 days of self-care in 2022.
Do join us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/590571285233742 and make this year your best year yet.
Find out more –
@Angelika Klotz
angeliquehealing.co.nz
bliss-balance.com
