An end-of-life doula’s work helps us wake-up to the inevitability of our death, and to have the conversations that help make that inevitability natural, not traumatic.
Doulas are best known as serving a supportive role to medical professionals such as midwives, guiding us at birth, into life. End-of-life doulas guide us out again. Easing us towards and through what they describe as ‘life’s final transition’.
In my celebrant work, I spend a lot of time with people grieving. Far too frequently they are under pressure – planning funerals, coping with the aftermath not just of loss, but the details and decisions that come with death and all its administrative obligations. It is a lot to face, at a time when capacity to cope is already reduced.
The load is eased when they can call on conversations had before death. About dying, about beliefs, directives, wants and wishes, on what should happen next. End-of-life Doula Alliance Aotearoa eldaa.org.nz connects you to a nationwide network that enables such conversations.
Beginning this conversation is a gift in reducing the impact of grief that will come. It is coming as inevitably as death.
Treza Gallogly, chair of ELDAA, says first meetings are usually at no charge. No cost, but potentially a meaningful reward. The power of this meeting is beginning the conversation. Learning how to have and hold, with ease, chats that are far too often avoided, because they feel awkward, even frightening. “We don’t know everything,” Treza tells me. “But we know plenty, and a lot more than most people first need to. Above all, we know how to be comfortable with end of life and all that needs to happen around it. Starting with conversation.”
Beginning this conversation is a gift in reducing the impact of grief that will come. It is coming as inevitably as death.
End-of-life doulas work wherever they are needed, most often in people’s homes and alongside other palliative healthcare. Bridging gaps in services. But why wait for a terminal diagnosis?
We do not know when, or whom, is next. Too many elderly or frail, even terminal people, have endured the unexpected loss of loved ones younger or healthier than them. Because death happens. The trauma of confusion around options, wishes and wants does not always need to accompany it.
Timothy Giles is a local funeral celebrant and specialist in grief and resilience. Listen to his podcast on all platforms, or visit ataloss.nz.
Words — Timothy Giles
Spotify Podcast — At a Loss
