Is there any worse feeling than waking with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth accompanied by that sinking dread, raging headache, and soul-sapping lethargy that – if you’re the wrong side of 30 (or in my case, 40) – will last for at least three days?
Forget fixing climate change or ending world hunger, when you’re suffering a hangover, a cure for it feels like the representation of the absolute pinnacle of humankind, and certainly more sophisticated than two paracetamol and a Big Mac.
Little wonder that, according to Grande View Research Inc, the hangover cure industry will be worth US$4.67 billion within the next five years. If Myrkl has its way, it might be worth even more.
Myrkl is a first of its kind “ground-breaking supplement” from Swedish probiotics firm De Faire Medical, that has recently arrived in Aotearoa New Zealand having previously “taken the UK by storm”, selling out within 24 hours of its release. Rather than being a hangover cure, the all-natural and vegan-friendly probiotic pills promise to prevent you from even getting one in the first place. So, I thought it only right to put such grandiose claims to the test. Could there be a greater dream assignment? Who doesn’t want to get paid to get drunk (responsibly)?
However, adding a good dose of jeopardy to the proceedings, the packet of pills didn’t arrive until a few days before print day, when, though the occasional whisky can be of both calming and creative use, hangover-inducing sessions are best avoided. But, taking one (read: several) for the team, I pushed aside such concerns and embraced that famous quote wrongly attributed to Ernest Hemingway to “write drunk, edit sober”. (It does very much sound like something that good ol’ Papa would say, though.)
With no time to lose – and no beers in the fridge – I ‘borrowed’ a bottle of red from my partner’s stash. This didn’t go down well for two reasons. Firstly, because her stash consists of half-decent wines “too good to be drank for the sake of it”, and secondly – and most significantly – because my partner is seven months pregnant and understandably easily consumed with envy at the sight of me imbibing. Telling her that it’s a work assignment certainly didn’t help. Neither did pointing out that I’m surely owed some credit for having barely taken advantage of having a sober driver the past few months.
The Myrkl pills must be consumed at least two hours prior to drinking, and in the spirit of science and fairness I figured it best to start off relatively easy and build up the alcohol consumption over a few nights. So, I popped my first pair of pills and drank just half the bottle of wine. At the end of the (admittedly) small session, I felt strangely sober. This may be due to the fact that the pills work by supposedly breaking down up to 70% of alcohol after 60 minutes, essentially reducing how much enters both the bloodstream and the liver.
I awoke with zero hangover, and, at the risk of sounding like a gullible kook, strangely refreshed.
Night two I upped the ante, knocking back the rest of the red and several sizeable whiskies, certainly feeling the effects as I retired to bed.
The morning after, part two, I awoke with zero hangover and, at the risk of sounding like a gullible kook, strangely refreshed.
This can’t be real, it’s too good to be true.
The power of suggestion is a powerful thing, and we’re still only just learning about the mind’s ability to manage physical pain.
Night three, I was determined to get a bloody hangover.
There are few things to make you feel more of a degenerate than doing early evening, mid-week shots of tequila, on your own, at home, in front of your pregnant wife-to-be. Even if it is “for work”. We were also having quesadillas for dinner, so I convinced myself the tequila was fitting – and the six cans of beer I’d previously downed helped further take the edge off the guilt. Needless to say, I collapsed into bed and…
… awoke the morning after, part three, with a hangover. But you know what, it wasn’t a bad hangover.
I remember way back when reality TV was still an intriguing, slightly naïve social experiment, Big Brother contestants were given alcohol-free wine, but not told it was alcohol-free. Fascinatingly, it wasn’t long before they were slurring their words and flirting. The power of suggestion is a powerful thing, and we’re still only just learning about the mind’s ability to manage physical pain. There have been cases of monks meditating their way through surgery, not to mention motivational speaker and extreme athlete Wim Hoff climbing more than 7,000 metres up Mount Everest in his pants. Is that what could be happening here?
Proper scientific studies have been conducted for Myrkl, and the results are positive, while UK research found satisfaction rates to be around 70%. But critics argue that the experiments have so far been too small scale to yield satisfactory results. Further studies are underway.
Other writers have also expressed begrudging respect as to the efficacy of the pills, though falling short of outright endorsements, probably to not risk sounding like gullible kooks.
There’s also the issue of the pills encouraging excessive drinking habits. There’s certainly some weight to this, but then, it’s not often you hear of someone not drinking solely because they don’t want a hangover. It’s only once we have that hangover we promise to never drink again.
I won’t make a habit of ingesting the supplements every time I crack open a bottle, but I’ll certainly keep a packet in the cupboard for those nights out that you suspect have the potential to get messy. With the baby on the way, I’ll probably need them more than ever – that’s if I ever have time to socialise again.
